Falling Slowly
by Adora Rossi
Summary: "Is it over yet," she asks. "Your memory is breaking my heart." "Is this as hard as it gets," his reply echoes in her head. AU where Gleeks don't meet until college.


I don't own Glee.

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Tumor.

It's such a small word. Two syllables. It doesn't even sound that intimidating. How could one word destroy her entire world in the half second it took the doctors to utter it?

_Tumor. _

Her dad, the man she has looked up to her entire life and has done nothing but showered her with love and adoration, has a malignant tumor growing in his brain. She looks up all the medical jargon the doctors threw at her and her dads once she gets home from the hospital. Her dad has cancer.

Her dad has brain cancer and he won't get better. That's what the doctors say. Hiram is too sick for the chemotherapy or harsh medicines to have any real effect. He has a high grade tumor and, apparently, the surgery to remove it is very complicated and her father may not even survive the procedure.

Rachel's head spins as she tries to digest all the information that has been thrown at her in the last week. She noticed the headaches a few months before, but her dad always dismissed it and blamed it on the stress that his baby girl would be leaving home soon for college. The headaches were nothing a few aspirin didn't get rid of.

But then they came back. The headaches got worse and more frequent and her other father, Leroy, tells Rachel Hiram had started seeing things. Just small things, Hiram had said, no big deal. Mostly, he just saw lights dancing in front of his face or swore he could hear Rachel singing when she wasn't even home. Once, he claimed to see butterflies coming out of the shower head. Hiram finally broke down and succumbed to Rachel's pestering that he see a doctor.

She wishes he hadn't taken her advice now. Her family knowing Hiram will die in the coming months won't help them. He'll be dead whether they know of the cancer or not. The doctors say there isn't anything they can do but stall the tumor from spreading much more and make Hiram as comfortable as possible for the next few months.

That's all he has left now. The doctors say it's a stretch that he'll live to see his birthday in September. September is only five months away.

She's mad, at what she doesn't know, but Rachel needs to be mad a something or someone right now. It'll at least deflect her emotions onto someone else so she doesn't have to think about her dad leaving her.

Rachel tucks herself away in her room after they get back from the hospital, but she can hear her father's footsteps nearing her door.

"Rachel? Do you want to talk?"

She feels awful when she doesn't respond and pretends to be napping when Hiram pokes his head in the door. She can't be around him right now. He's dying of cancer and she's avoiding him.

She holds back the tears as best she can when he comes over to lay her comforter over her. Her effort is futile, and Hiram leaves while they both pretend he can't hear the sobs racking through her body even after he's shut her bedroom door.

*/*

The letter comes in the mail a week later. She's been expecting it, but with everything going on it had kind of slipped her mind. It's sitting on the table when she gets home from school and her fathers are waiting for her, both of them obviously very excited.

"The packet is thick," Hiram smiles widely and it makes Rachel's chest swell because he hasn't smiled like that since they got the news of his cancer. "Hurry up and open it."

"Okay," Rachel sits down gingerly on the chair next to Hiram and grips the envelope tightly in her hands. "But first, I just want to tell you that I don't have to go to New York. Even if this packet tells me Julliard has accepted me, I can wait. I can go next year and I won't mind."

"Leroy and I have discussed that option," Hiram nods, "but I won't allow it. We've waited eighteen years for this and I'm not going to let you waste another one just because I have this silly thing."

"You have cancer, dad," Rachel winces at the word as it slips past her lips. "Just say it. You have a tumor in your brain and it's_ killing_ you. Right in front of us, you're dying, and we can't do anything about it."

"Rachel," Leroy sighs.

"I think I'll just go up to my room now."

Leroy and Hiram watch her leave, the envelope from Julliard still sitting on the table.

*/*

Graduation isn't as exciting as she thought it would be. Both her dads are there to support her, but Hiram had been vomiting the night before and most of the morning. So, when she smiles brightly and walks across the stage to accept her diploma and she looks out to find her dads, her step falters and her throat swells because her eyes only find Leroy. He's filming the whole thing with a supportive smile on his face, but even from the distance she can see the sadness in her eyes; the sadness that reflects her own.

She's supposed to have a celebratory dinner at Breadstix, one of the more formal restaurants in Lima, her hometown, but with Hiram feeling ill, she suggests they move the dinner home where he'll be more comfortable. Leroy makes Rachel's favorite dish and she tries to enjoy it, but Hiram spends most of the night in the bathroom and it makes her heart ache.

She hates seeing her father so sick.

"Daddy," her voice is small from the doorway.

Her dads are both in bed and Hiram looks exhausted, but they motion her over anyway.

"Can't sleep, sweetheart," Hiram asks in a hoarse voice and Rachel offers him a sad smile. "You used to crawl into bed with us all the time when you were younger. You had such terrible nightmares."

"I remember," she whispers while nestling under the covers between them.

She wants it to stay like this. Them protecting her from the bad dreams like they used to, but she knows it won't be like this for long. Her dad isn't getting better and the doctors think the medicine is making his symptoms worse. She wishes she could make him better, but her prayers are in vain.

She curls up with Hiram and Leroy stretches his arm around the both of them, holding them close and pushing all the bad thoughts that are clouding Rachel's head. And even if it's just for tonight, she's thankful.

*/*

Rachel feels awful even thinking it, but she can't wait to leave for Julliard. She knows it makes her sound like a dreadful person, but she doesn't want to be in this house for a second more than she has to. She's surrounded by pills and brain scans and doctor appointments and it's terrible. It's ten times worse for Hiram, she knows.

So, when she has her first real chance to get out of the house and away from all the talk of tumors and funeral arrangements, she grabs onto it and refuses to let go. Her plane for New York leaves in the morning and she's walking around her room to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything. Her dorm room won't be very large and she only wants to take the necessities. Her roommate, a girl by the name of Brittany, seems really nice. They've spoken through email frequently and even on the phone a few times. They're both pretty excited to room together since they have quite a bit in common.

"Hey," Hiram's voice is at the door. "You should get some sleep. You have a long day tomorrow."

"I know," her smile is soft and genuine. "I'm pretty nervous. I've been preparing for this my whole life though, haven't I?"

"That's right."

"I'll be okay," she tells him, "by myself. I'll be okay, daddy."

"I've never doubted you, Rachel. You'll be amazing in New York," he crosses the room to pull her to his chest. "I'll come up and see you sing once you're settled. I promise."

"I hope so," she admits as the tears burn the corners of her eyes.

"I promise," he repeats.

*/*

New York is just as she imagined it. She pays her taxi fare and lets the driver dump her luggage onto the sidewalk beside her. Luckily, he was kind enough to bring her up to the dormitory she'd be living in for the next several months. She makes sure to offer him a somewhat hefty tip before he drives off. Contrary to popular belief, not all Jewish people are tight with their money. Maybe she just feels a tad more generous today.

Move-in goes smoothly and she's already met three very nice people. Jesse St. James is one of the RA's of the building, specifically on the floor above her, Quinn Fabray is the RA on Rachel's floor, and Mike Chang happens to be a dancer and helped her carry her luggage up seven flights of stairs because the elevators are out of service.

It appears her roommate has already moved all her things in but Rachel assumes Brittany is out exploring the campus. Rachel doesn't mind though, because she can use the solitude right now. She is currently several states away from her fathers and, although she feels awful about it, she can't fight back the giggle that eats its way up her throat.

*/*

A/N: First off, this is my first fic. This idea sprouted way back in season two and actually wasn't even my idea. A friend of mine collaborated with me but because of some personal events, it never really got around to being written beyond the first chapter. That friend, as she's known on this site, was acaudill0068. This was completely her idea and I had very little to do with this first chapter. I brainstormed with her, but what you just read was all her. Any chapters posted after this, however, will be written by me.

Second, Rachel may seem a bit cold in this fic, but this entire plot is based off real life. Amber, my friend, found out her dad had brain cancer four months before she left for college back in 2010. In fact, most of the conversations Rachel had with her dads in this first chapter are word for word what Amber had with hers.

Other than that, I hope you enjoy this fic.

Adora


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